Girl, get dressed.

Today was a hard mom day.  But I got dressed.

How did that feel to say? Hard. But I said it! Now you go!

Let’s talk about it…Today was one of those days when I just could not find the second wind. I was so tired, and rallying was just not an option. Today I gave 20% and my partner gave 80% AND THAT’S OK! To be honest, I’m fighting the PP demon HARD. She’s alive and well and I am fighting that broad with everything in me.

Postpartum was always something I feared, even before I got pregnant, I worried. Would I be that woman crying in a closet? Wearing the same clothes for days? Sitting in the dark, eating chocolate and crying with my baby in my arms? The answer is yes. It didn’t happen immediately; I waited and waited... month one, I was fine! I was super mom! I did all the things, and I was GOOD at it. Month two... still going strong, still momming hard and loving it. My son was thriving, hitting milestones and growing like a weed… months 3-6 came and went and I felt like I was slowing down. I was more comfortable letting others help me with the baby, I wasn’t so possessive and wrapped tight. I was loosening up! What I didn’t realize was that as I loosened up, the postpartum was slowly creeping in. See, once I got into a groove and motherhood started to feel like second nature, I was left with one thing. Myself.

I reached 10 months postpartum, and the demon herself hit me HARD. I feel lost and disheveled, like I’ve been kept in an underground bunker and I’m seeing sun for the first time in years.

Now I am here. Trying to figure out how to function as a person again and not just a mom. It’s slow and the steps are smaller than the one’s my son is taking.  But I got dressed today. I took off my pajamas, did my skincare, brushed my teeth, took OFF my scarf and styled my hair. That’s how I’m showing up for myself. The steps don’t have to be big; they don’t have to be monumental! Just take the steps love.  Postpartum is real, I don’t know the timeline, I don’t know how hard it will be, but I do know that I will show up for myself.  Even if it’s as simple as changing out of my jammies and putting on clean clothes.  Are you going to show up for you? If not, who will?

This is a part of the grieving process that I am ok with. The rebirth, its slow and sometimes painful, but I am finding my way.  Starting here! Talking to all of you. “Getting dressed” doesn’t have to mean physically putting on clothes, it could be cooking a meal instead of doordash, sitting outside and getting some fresh air, doing a face mask, opening that mail that’s been piling up! Whatever it looks like to you, do it FOR YOU.

 So let me ask, will you get dressed tomorrow?