A tumble, If you will….
Yesterday I fell, like I took a spill. I was out walking my dog and while he was handling his business, I walked to the pet post to grab a baggy, not seeing the small pile of little rocks around the post. I stepped on the rocks, my ankle immediately did a CLICK CLACK and before I knew it, I was going down to one knee and my hand. Now you may ask why this is significant? I’ll explain…
I have a saying that I love to preach “sometimes God taps you on your shoulder and sometimes he knocks you on you’re a**”, this was a literal knock down. If you read my last post, then you know I am in the process of grieving who I once was and discovering a new version of myself. But let’s be honest, we all talk a good self-help game, but how often do we follow through? Remember when you said you were going to start juicing everyday? You were going to become a Pilates girlie and workout regularly? Or remember how you said you were going to finally approach your boss about that promotion? Yea the self-talk is strong! But where is the follow through?
My best friend’s mom (shout out to her!) said something to me during one of our many talks, that I will never forget. I was talking about my health and diet plans and how I was going to try and do this and try and do that, when she interrupted me and said, “stop saying “try” you’re leaving the door open for excuses, just do it” and I about swallowed my tongue. She was right, I was leaving the door open just in case I failed. Giving it the old “college try” (whatever that means). I KNOW what I need to do! Drink my water, move my body, open my mouth(communicate), sleep well and eat well. DASSIT. So why don’t we do it? The world would be a lot better off if everyone just did exactly what they set out to do. The answer is fear and comfort. Saying “I’ll try” is a safety net, it’s a parachute that allows us to fail and be ok with it.
I’m not trying anymore, I’m just doing. You see God heard me “trying” and said let me give her a push, a real knock upside the head for her to get it, a moment of clarity if you will. So, as I limped back to my house with my dog in tow, praying no one saw me bleeding in the parking lot, embarrassed that at my BIG age, I was taking spills like my son, I thought to myself in disbelief “What was that about?”
It was about me, about being shaken back to reality. It was a smack to the face as if I had been unconscious. I’m awake now and I’m not “trying” anymore.